Idk what happened to this journal! Lost in all the moves

time warp

I found my missing sd card, WAAAAAAARP!
This is me as a wee person.
I wish I still had that doll!
Actually, this is the first time I post pictures from my childhood because as you can see I have big brown dot above my lip. I was born with this mole and didn't have it removed until I was a sophomore in high school. I always felt like the ugly duckling and not until I had it removed did I become comfortable in my own skin. In eigth grade my doctor told me it would be best to have it removed before I went through puberty because I was at a higher risk to develop melanoma. Plus, it would start to get bumpy and raised with all the horomones and could you imagine? I already felt like a hag with a stain on my 'stache. My mom and I went to 3 plastic surgeons before we went through with the surgery. The first guy wanted to cut it out in one sit down, but the other two surgeons told me that would have given me a cleft lip. The doctor that ended up doing it suggested removing it in two out patient surgeries six months apart. By spacing them out, he explained my scarring would be much less severe. He explained that being Mexican, I would have a noticeable scar forever just because of our melanin. He also said my cupid's bow would be destroyed, but a nurse assured me, "that's what lip liner is for!" During the first surgery I found out that local anesthesia does not numb me. Unfortunately, I realized it as the doctor was dragging the scapel from my nose down through my top lip. He injected me a total of 6 times before I finally stopped crying. My lip was HUGE, I could see it when I looked down and had stitches for a week. My biggest regret is not having any pictures of my gnarly crusty lip.  The second surgery has been the only time I have been completely knocked out, and when I came to I couldn't stop crying!  Not because of the pain though, its a common side effect of general anesthesia, especially for girls going through puberty.  I thought afterwards I would become wildly popular with the boys, but I was just as awkward without my mole so that crashed and burned hahahaha.  I really didn't feel pretty until I moved away from home and started making my own money so I could look the way I wanted to.  Becoming independent was the biggest confidence boost.

I WAS Elmyra Duff as a child, anything fluffy in near distance would be hugged against their will.

after the first surgery, 2 months later

2 years after last surgery, the summer after high school graduation, and the first time I thought I looked pretty

Jyunichi Nakahara - 中原淳一

I want to look like this






the marshmallow kisses

red sofa

lyrics: hamada akiko / music: nakashima yumi / translation: hanaco

I know a very beautiful place
No one knows about it, a paradise just for two
There are no lies, no one will betray you

If I'm there, nothing will be scary, right?
I won't say anything bad, I'll take you there right now

If we crash at 200km in the fast lane
I'll love your bloodstained face more than ever

I know a very wonderful place
Every night I'll confirm our pure love
Certainly I won't betray you

If I'm there, nothing will be regrettable, right?
There's no need to be lost, c'mon, take my hand

The white morning, an unending dream

 If we crash at 200km in the fast lane
 I'll love your bloodstained face more than ever

The playing is too much, the punishment is,
I'll tie you, that's right, to the sofa
So that you won't go mad a second time

tag : Go!Go!7188


Happy Valentines!  A client brought these for me




Fumo Blu

We Need To Talk About Kevin.
I always hope that my time embalming without a mask pickled my ovaries.

*seat wetting*

"The way you
smoke, you are irresistible to me, you look like a real man."


February is the month that my debts in this town are going to be paid off. I finally own my lappy as of today! I my Lappy 2 so much. My momma got it for my birthday from a rent to own place and it took me 11 months to pay it off. I hadn't started downloading any of the music I lost on my other lappy (RIP Lappy 1) until a week ago because I was afraid of having to return it. I also finished paying off a car title loan that was under my name for my momma today too. I helped her out with some of the payments and swore I would never lend my name again. I love my momma but those places are evil, they have an APR of 316%. At the very end of this month I will be paying off a personal loan I had to get because my truck decided to take a dump on me. I celebrated tonight the good old fashioned American way and bought myself a burger and fries.

I know you are but what am I?

My sister Erica made this, isn't it rad?! It is hanging at a university art gallery in our hometown.

We both share a love affair with Mr. Herman (swoon) .